So I’ve been feeling weird the last few weeks. I’ve been adjusting to my new job and schedule. I’m not in school anymore, and that alone is kinda odd. I’m still setting up the apartment, which seems crazy cause I’ve been here for almost two months. Even still, I continue to feel unsettled. I think I have been aware of the issue for a while, but I didn’t know how to put it into words. Tonight as I walked past where I went to college, I kept thinking about how much I miss it. But I kept thinking about it more, and I asked myself, “What do I specifically miss?” And while I like to say that I miss learning, acting almost every day, the scenic shop, and clubs. I know I miss more than that. I miss being surrounded by people. I have a heart for people. I like interacting with people and talking too much. I love making people laugh and entertaining a group. It is something that I thrive on. I like getting to know people and their story. Alas, my schedule and life are incredibly different than how it used to be.
My school and my old part-time job had me interacting with people on a large scale. I knew many different groups of people, and it was awesome. I now have graduated from college, moved into an apartment by myself, and have a drastically different job. My new job has taken a lot of adjusting because it is in a corporate setting, in the Financial District. It has been rewarding, stressful, overwhelming, and exciting. However, I have no co-workers in my direct office space. I sit alone in a glass office surrounded by other offices. Almost all the interactions I have with people are over the phone, texting, or emailing. Which, can make it difficult to make a connection over a 30-second phone call.
To say that some days I feel lonely would be an understatement.
While there are no co-workers in my direct office space, the office is surrounded by other business’ that are filled with people. I work in a special kind of shared office space. It’s designed to allow people to connect. Yet, that is the last thing that I have done. I have been feeling a lot of doubt and fear. From the moment I got the job, I kept thinking that I was the youngest most unqualified person in that office space. I don’t know where that fear came from, but it was like a mantra that just kept repeating. I don’t know how to break the gap with the neighbor businesses. I barely look at people when I go into the huge kitchen and common work area. I found myself looking down; A LOT.
The Holy Spirit has been at work though. I read something the other day by Christine Caine about Looking Up! Her newsletter was all about how we naturally look toward the ground. However, God wants up to look upward. She goes on to say that we are not called to feel ashamed and guilty. My favorite part was that God says that we don’t NEED TO LOOK DOWN! We are not called to live a life with shame, guilt, and doubt pushing our posture to look down!!!
“Keep my soul, and deliver me; let me not be ashamed, for I put my trust in You”
Then I watched a TED talk on talking to strangers. It expanded how it is good for us to talk to people we don’t know. This has helped me to go outside of my comfort zone. I have now been able to make connections with the women who work parallel to my office space. I find myself being able to engage with people I meet in elevators, lunch spots, and shared workspaces. This may seem weird, but being able to talk to people in my office has changed my attitude at work.
Finally, tonight when I walked by my college I was thinking, “how I can engage with people in my day to day?”. How can I be more intentional with the people I talk with on the phone for 30 seconds? I have been glancing over people I could connect with and believing that a magical friendship will form. I also have been carrying around a lot of doubt about myself.
I have heard older friends mention this “post-grad slump.” I think I was expectant of it. I encouraged it with my attitude. My path is not where I wanted it to be, and it is not bad, just different. All of this has left me distant with new people.
So I was inspired by a book I just started reading about comparison called, Why Her? My favorite quote from the first chapter was this:
“Sometimes we make our plans, and sometimes we surrender our plans.”
I think I am learning that right now. My path is taking a different turn. I’m learning what it means to reach out to people in a different way. I’m learning that my self-doubt is something that I don’t have time to hold onto anymore. I’m learning about consistency. I’m learning about putting expectations on people. Wow, college maybe over but the learning hasn’t stopped.
Sorry super corny. Anyways let's focus on some new stuff this week:
1.You are Worth More than the Sale Price so Don’t Sell Yourself Short.
2. If you feel Doubt SpeakOut (Get yourself around people and speak out the doubt and leave it behind you! You don’t have time for doubt.)
3. ENGAGE with those around you. Whether it is a barista that makes your coffee every morning or a customer that works into your store every week take an extra 30 seconds. Make a connection. You won’t regret it.
4. BE VULNERABLE! I was guilty of emotional swallowing about a week ago. I got on my knees and was real with what I was feeling with God. I didn’t realize that I was protecting God from my mood swings. Something was really affecting me, and I wrote it out, and I felt a rush of peace.
RECAP: Remember Your Worth, Speakout Doubt, Engage, Vulnerability, and take a deep breathe in. REPEAT